Relax. Revel. Appreciate. Repeat. By Shan Jeniah

“ Relax. Revel. Appreciate. Repeat.”

– Sandra Dodd, possibly paraphrased

These words, were written to me at a moment when I was stressed and overwhelmed by my inability to keep up with Jeremiah’s rapid growth. They urged me to settle back into just being with him, and to enjoy his unfolding; to let myself be amazed and awestruck by it, and him. 

What, though, does this have to do with writing, or with ROW80?

This is my fourth round of ROW80, and I have noticed something.

Sometimes, the goals and updates people are posting do not seem fun. There is a strong sense of “have to” , of work and drudgery and gritted teeth, about them.

It reminds me of thinking I needed to keep up with Jeremiah’s rapid changes. When goals are like this, for me, there is a clenched feel to the progress I’m making. I experience great tension as I toil to reach those goals.As a parent whose focus is on connection and joyous, natural learning, this feels like adding a huge obstacle to the challenge. It’s hard for me to force myself to do things I feel I must do, without necessarily

wanting to do them, and it’s seldom pleasant.I find it easier to strive toward goals that make my spirit sing, with a merry sense of abandon and possibility… to open myself to play….to free myself up to fail, the way I fail when I am learning any new game or skill. It’s a type of

 small failure that I take for granted, in that context, but which swells to monstrous proportions when I struggle to get the work done.When playing, failure tends to beckon me to stretch toward eventual success, mostly without angst. I take the lumps, because I want the delight of mastering the skill involved.

When working at something I feel I have to get done, failure tends to make me frustrated, discouraged, and like I’ve wasted my time. It’s deflating.

When playing, success feels – well,

AWESOME!!! I revel in it, crow it out, dance in my soul at the exuberance of accomplishing what I set out to do, no matter how long or strenuous the journey was.When working, success feels – well, more like something to tick off the to-do list, take a quick breath, and get back to work. I’m

working, after all, and there are still so many things to get done. There’s no time to bask even a little while in the glow of my accomplishment.

It took me years to realize that this clenched feeling is obvious in my writing. When I am pushing through, focused only on getting things done, there is a tension that keeps me from touching my deeper thoughts and emotions. My writing feels forced and tight and harried.

When I am relaxed, when I come to my writing without stakes other than to write my truth or fantasy of the moment, wonderful things happen. I write out what is within me. If it is an essay, my deepest places may reveal themselves, without my intending to expose them. When I am writing fiction, the scenes begin to spark and sizzle with life, bounding out of places within me that I do not understand and can’t touch intentionally.

How about you? Do you revel in your writing, or is it another chore on your list? If it’s a chore, or you’re just feeling clenched, or you just want a change, here are a few quick ideas that might help shift your energies. All of these have helped to shake me up, from time to time.

• Have someone write words or phrases on slips of paper and fold them. Put them in a jar, and draw one. Write, seriously, playfully, angrily – whatever. My husband did this for me early in our marriage. His quirky sense of humor led to some wonderful little pieces, and I laughed. A lot.

• Write when you are very tired, perhaps half-asleep. I don’t know if this will work for everyone. My mind works in imagery, and, when I’m sleepy, dream-images start to infiltrate my thoughts. Also, my internal censor goes silent.
• Play a game or clean house. I routinely play games with distinct patterns, but which are very unlike my creative process, when I am mulling a piece over . They allow patterns and ideas to emerge while I play. Hometending is repetitive and leaves my mind free to wander.

• Grab a notebook and pen or your keyboard, set a timer, and just write about anything – or nothing at all -until it goes off. Remember, it doesn’t matter what you write; you’re just trying to relax into your words.

• Spend some time with children or animals, watching or interacting. My children have a way of revealing angles I might never otherwise have considered, and they notice things I overlook. They are joyfully present in their own lives, and that tends to feed my muse. Animals perceive in very different ways than humans; time with my dog makes me more attentive to subtle shifts in facial expression and body language, and hints at a reality I will never know.
• Relax. Revel. Appreciate. Repeat. Look at these words, and ask yourself how they might apply t to your writing – and your life.
  

My son, at 11, seems to be on a breakneck course toward puberty, these days. He’s changing faster than at any time since infancy, and he is filled with big ideas, new understandings, and huge emotions. And I am grateful for those words that help me ride the waves of his growing up, without wiping out – and which have helped me to embrace the joyfulness of my writing life, too…

Relax. Revel. Appreciate. Repeat.

I challenge you all to find a way (or many ways!) to infuse some joy and play into your writing goals this week!

 ~*~

Shan Jeniah