I’m sitting here in front of my computer and my brain won’t stop spinning for long enough for me to stick some flesh to any of the ideas whose skeletons are currently whirling in my mind, all fairly insouciant about whether they form the basis for this post or not. I think it’s because I really like where I am right now in my life and I want to show other people how they might get there too. The problem is, a lot of different things came together for me to be in this place. Together, they are more than the sum of their parts.
Friends is definitely one. The overwhelming love and support I have experienced from my friends, even though most of them have only known me for a year, three or four at most, has changed my view of myself and what I can achieve. It was particularly eye-opening to be told, after telling one friend I was now a full time creative, “Good. The vast majority of people, I wouldn’t support it, but you are one of the very few I can wholeheartedly get behind. You can make it happen.” Or when another friend said, “You’re an insanely talented writer,” and I replied, “I know.” Then I realised what I’d said and before I could retract it, he said, “GOOD.” Your friends see the truth of you, whether you do or not. Whether your family does or not. That’s what makes them your friends.
Recognising who you really are is another aspect of how I got here, too. I’ve tried to be responsible about my journey to full time creativity. I’ve tried for sixteen years, through a number of jobs (on two continents). I never made it work. I never found a job which made me 100% happy and I firmly believe that 100% happiness is my birthright.
I didn’t used to believe that. For a long time I swallowed the idea that work was something draggy and horrible you did in exchange for money. Now I’ve realised that life doesn’t start at sixty-five. It starts when you’re born. If you’re going to be alive, damn well live!
You might be thinking, well, what about money, Mhairi? Isn’t money kind of important too?
Yes. It is important. But other things are more important. My mental health is more important than my income, for sure. Not just my happiness but the stability of my mind. And this is what I have never been able to maintain, through all those jobs in all those places with all those different companies. I’ve never felt in control of myself or the world around me. My mind would tip and sway and it never occurred to anyone, least of all me, that this might not be normal.
So now, yes, I have medicine. And I have realised I need to care for my health, mental, physical, emotional and creative, in any way I can.
So I no longer have a job. I’m not looking for another one either. Right now I have so many editing and writing and art projects lined up I don’t have time for a job anyway.
The fact is, I am not an employee. Never have been. I’ve been trying to be one for the last decade and a half and it never worked. So now I’m working for myself. I believe in myself. More to the point, a number of people around me believe in me too. And for the first time, even without money, the path shines ahead of me by the light of a billion stars. My life has never looked brighter. I can only be that which I am. I have accepted that, thrown myself into the void with only that to cling to. On the one hand, it’s terrifying. But I am not alone. I’m surrounded by people who only want to help me. I feel loved. I feel free. I feel… me.
I’m not suggesting that everyone who’s in a crappy job should quit it right now (although if you want to and can, do it!). What I’m suggesting is that maybe the first step on the path to happiness is to stop lying to yourself about what you really want out of your life. Do you want money? Do you want a big house? Do you want a book tour? Do you want a speedboat? Do you want a wife and three children?
Once you are honest with yourself about what you really want, you then have to get honest with yourself about whether what you’re currently doing is taking you closer to what you want. And if it isn’t, well, that’s where the change is.
Change is always exhilarating. This isn’t always a good thing. It depends on how much exhilaration you think you can handle. You can probably actually handle a fair bit more than you think, but when it comes to making plans, what you think you can do is more relevant, at least initially.
And even then, sometimes, the Universe just does it for you. In my case, two traffic accidents in six months. The latest one saw me dumped off my scooter into the middle of an empty roundabout in the middle of the night. I couldn’t think straight. Had no idea even how to stand up.
Two separate families of complete strangers stopped their cars and came running over to help me. They stayed with me until my friends arrived to pick me up.
How’s that for a metaphor? When you take a sudden turn in a totally different direction, people will help you.
Just… try to change your path yourself, if you can. The Universe’s methods tend to HURT.